So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
