New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
operation harelip BJ is a go
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
