if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
