I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
