I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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