he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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