i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
