'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
