party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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