i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
