69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
