If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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