I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
