She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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