I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
