Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
