A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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