is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
