Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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