last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
