Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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