Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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