Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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