Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize