Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
