just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
