that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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