all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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