Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize