i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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