not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I deserve this hangover.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
