I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
