just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
