Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
