Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
