no, he came in my armpit
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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