So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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