and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize