I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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