At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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