wat bout pragnant strippers??
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
