So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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