bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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