yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize