i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
