Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Randomize
