Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I deserve this hangover.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
