time to smoke my breakfast
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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