I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
