i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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