awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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