So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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