well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
