I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize