I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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