who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
