wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
