Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
