This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
