you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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