Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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