you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
