this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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