Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
