I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
