God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
