I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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