So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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