Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
