i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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